legalacidity's musings


Michael Irvin is a World Class Idiot, Part II

Ah yes, the Michael Irvin: World Class Idiot saga continues. With the latest relevation that Irvin was charged with one count of possessing drug paraphernalia, he has further cemented his place in the Idiot Hall of Fame, Cowboys Wing (along side such other great idiots of our time, like ex-Cowboys Nate Newton, Sherman Williams, et al). When the story first broke, I assumed, along with everyone else, that the "drug paraphernalia" was either a crack pipe or a marijuana pipe. Turns out it was a "drug" pipe (i.e., crack pipe), and Irvin claims that it wasn't his, that it belonged to a "friend" of 17 years who had recently checked out of a Houston-area rehab center. The Smoking Gun reported that the "friend" was actually Irvin's brother. Also, on Sportscenter Monday night, in an interview with Stuart Scott, Irvin said that he found the pipe when he was hugging/patting down his "friend."

(Side note: You know, I may be in the minority on this, but I'm pretty sure that rehab centers don't, upon checkout, issue you the standard crack pipe, pat you on the back and send you out into the world. Sounds a tad absurd to me.)

I don't know what's more ridiculous: Michael Irvin, World Class Idiot, smoking crack himself or merely transporting his brother's crack pipe around in his vehicle. Either way, both are stupid and irresponsible and any other group of words you can come up with to describe idiotic behavior.

If Irvin wasn't using the "drug" pipe himself, he's an idiot for carrying it around in his car. Apparently, his "friend/brother" left it at his house over Thanksgiving, and Irvin claimed that he put it in his car because he didn't want his kids to find it in his house. Smooth, Mike. Gee, are there no trash cans around your house? In the kitchen? Bathroom? Etc.? I'm far from being an expert in drug paraphernalia, but from what I've watched on television about "drug" pipes, I know that they're usually made of glass; I wonder why Irvin didn't just wrap it up in newspaper, crush it to smithereens in his driveway, and toss it in the trash can. Another one of life's great unexplained mysteries.

He also claimed that he planned to drive somewhere the next day, like a grocery trash bin, and throw the pipe away, but simply forgot. I guess he's used to having drug paraphernalia in his car, because if there was a "drug" pipe in my car, my first order of business would be to dispose of it as quickly as was humanly possible so as to avoid any notion of impropriety. I wouldn't be able to think, eat or sleep until it was GONE. But, then again, Mike's had a LOT of experience with "drug" pipes, and drug paraphernalia in general, so I guess I could see how he could "forget" about it being there. (He did get pulled over on a warrant for an unpaid speeding ticket that he apparently "forgot" to pay.) What a joke. I guess his preferred practice back during his times at the "U" and in Dallas was to dump used drug paraphernalia into grocery store dumpsters. Ridiculous.

Maybe he was/is really trying to help a longtime friend (or brother), and maybe his heart was in the right place. Either way, to me, it's just more evidence that he is truly Michael Irvin: World Class Idiot.

2:06 a.m. - 2005-11-28

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New Site - 2008-05-24

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On Bissinger and Leitch - 2008-04-30

Chad Johnson is a Doofus - 2008-04-03

Thoughts on the NCAA Tournament in Birmingham - 2008-03-25

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